- breaking through the toughest chapter -

7 months!!!
longer enough than i had ever imagined.
fortunately, it do not cost me a whole life time..
pheww~

being sick;

sitting on the same couch without moving even an inch or two..
moving sometimes hurting..the spine and the body itself...
sometimes i felt like another great monument or statue;
the one which is better than the statue of liberty of course
because he needs to stand up all the time and i just have to sit down...
but still..its pathetic!!! lol

not being able to talk to anyone.
not even a slightly nod or a simple yes and no
just sometimes,
trying my best to say hello to those who are trying to speak to this unspoken pers0n
sometimes i tried to open my mouth..
but there are n0 sounds coming...
just a mumbling mouth with some 'jelly-like substances' coming out from my mouth...
(i cant find any other words to describe that grossing euuww subjects)
~~lalalala~~

i also had some difficulties to eat...
i can't chew and swallow the food..
i have to depend on others in order to do anything...
even to stand up from the chair
eating...having a bath...moving...going to the toilet...
everything is mum...mum...and mum...
there is not even a single second without her by my side...
only sometimes, its daddy or my brother that have to take the turns
accompanying me...just me

to make it easy;

i'm losing the ability and the opportunity to control and take care of my own self
i'm losing me and this makes me thinks...

what is the purpose of breathing if you are taking other's living to make you feel alive??
when your pain starts to taking you from being you...
that is the most painful sickness
the one with unseen bleeding

sometimes its just hard for me to believe
is this me???
the one who is always laughing at silly jokes...
joking around...
enjoying myself while listening to great songs and sounds..
haha...

guessing that life got lots of other meanings than just a cleft treble
ngeee...wacko wacko dude ~

enough of being sick!!!
i dont think that i hv to mention it in details here
but i undergone lots of medical theraphy
traditionally and the modern medications
and i'm getting better,day by day
and now i'm completely fine i guess
alhamdulillah...a big thank you and grateful to The Almighty

but i cant remember much and trying not to think about it;
what is happening during the past 7 months
a bit here and there...
patch up the mind with repeating stories..
and some above is just stories that have been already told to others by my parents...
soh it was like just an official copy and paste explaination..huhu


sitting at home,doing nothing...
while others are already juggling with books and cadavers...
a bit tense up...
but there is no room for regretting...
i'm just hoping that its going to be a sunny day through out this longg darkness...
keep on believing~

everyone got their own walking track...
and mine is a bit different than others...
a bit tougher and harder for a while...
but at least this walking track is having a destination...
and i'm not walking along the line alone...

"thanks for those who are making my days beautiful"

- its been a while -

due to the action of making 'esgiol' as a private view;
upgrading the maturity a bit...
here comes the new one...

GOOD GIRL WONT CRY; SHE SMILES
life; the terrific and the pathetic